How long have you been dieting? Has it been an ACTUAL lifetime? Extended exposure to dieting may come new worries: can you really change after all this time? Is it worth even trying at this point? Can you be healthy as you get older AND recover your relationship with food at the same time?
Too many women tell themselves their struggle with food “is not that bad” – and it only further perpetuates the never ending diet cycle within their families. And then there are clients like Patrice.
In this episode Melissa interviews her former client Patrice so she can share her successes inside the No More Guilt 3 month program after dieting for 50+ years. As a retired woman in her 60s, Patrice talks about how she approached intuitive eating work (first -on her own, and later with Melissa as her coach) in a way that folks of all ages can benefit from!
- Patrice’s history with the binge-restrict diet cycle and what kept her saying “just one more time”
- The moment when she realized Intuitive Eating was even “a thing”
- Different types of support and providers available to help heal disordered eating (and how Patrice decided working with a Registered Dietitian would be right for her)
- The big question Melissa asked Patrice to help her overcome body image fears in time for her son’s wedding, just as she imagined.
Finding benefit from the weekly stories, interviews, and support from Melissa on Break the Diet Cycle Pod? Your review helps keep this show going! If you have a moment – review the pod, or, share this episode with a friend. I’d be so grateful!
Get Melissa’s free 3 step guide to eat without guilt: https://mailchi.mp/d9207e0baf90/nomoreguiltguide
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This episode was sponsored by No More Guilt with Melissa Landry. Reminder that though we are dietitians, we’re not *YOUR* dietitian. Podcasts don’t constitute treatment. If you have concerns about your dieting behaviors, seek out guidance from a medical or mental health professional. And if you’re looking for the process, support, and focus you need to live life without food guilt apply for a coaching program from today’s sponsor. No More Guilt with Melissa Landry is currently enrolling clients into 1:1 programs, group programs, and, recently added a do-it-yourself learning format: the Ex-Dieter’s Guide to No More Guilt.
it’s never “too late” to become an intuitive eater with Patrice W transcript
Melissa Landry 0:02 Hi there, I'm Melissa, a registered dietitian specialize in intuitive eating for on again off again, chronic dieters, and I'm here to help you take the guilt and stress out of eating so you can be the first in your family to break the diet cycle. I'm interested in helping you unlearn generational diet trauma, so you can be who you are without food guilt. Be sure to follow on Instagram at no more guilt for more support between these episodes. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Patrice, how are you? So good to see you again. We ended our program I think a month ago, six weeks ago, time is flying. How long has it been? Patrice 0:42 I think you're right. Time is flown. Melissa Landry 0:46 But it's so nice to have you here you are someone I so admire. You are a retired educator, we talked a lot about the learning process. And so I think you are going to have some amazing perspective from your lived experience also as someone who loves learning, because that's what Intuitive Eating is. Could you introduce yourself first let folks know a little bit about you, Patrice. Patrice 1:06 Sure, and it's great to see you too. Melissa. I missed you. I think we stopped in mid September and now October's almost over. So it's been a good while? Yes, I'm Patrice Warner. I am a retired longtime educator, I started teaching when I was 21 years old. And now I'm 68 years old, I've been retired for a little over a year, I consider it such a privilege that I was able to work with you and have the resources to be able to do it all, you know, all all of those kinds of things. I'm just very, very grateful. And I love how you framed this as a learning process or a learning journey and something it's something that really never ends. We're continuously learning. Melissa Landry 1:58 Do you feel like diets are framed as a learning journey? How are they How are diets framed In comparison? Patrice 2:04 I think marketing may be framed like that, you know, like end this problem, quote unquote, forever. But what they actually do is their aim to get quick results that make you feel really happy for a short period of time. But clearly, they're not in it for the long haul. And they know it. Melissa Landry 2:29 Yeah, yeah, there's certainly things to learn within a diet. But once you learn them, the learning doesn't deepen. It's like, cool, I can calculate calories or points I can remember to weigh myself X amount of times I can remember this food contains protein, and I should have it or whatever. There are a lot of rules. It's more like a memorization process, then a process of experimentation and growth and development. And that's the big difference I see between dieting and intuitive eating. Patrice 3:01 Yeah, it's like if you do exactly what the says and follow these rules, then this will happen. And And usually, if you really follow the rules, it does happen or while and it's it's inherently unsustainable. And the diet industry knows it's unsustainable. They know it, but they also know that you will keep coming back because you did have that short term. So I believe they bank on, you're gonna leave at some point, yeah, you're going to cancel your subscription, whatever. But eventually you're going to come back and rejoin and start paying this money again. Melissa Landry 3:45 Exactly. Did you see what just happened with Noom. They laid off a bunch of their coaches, their coaches are not registered dieticians or therapists, they are folks that are trained, they might have a health background, but they laid off a bunch of them, I think back in March, and then again in September, which is so interesting to me, because I think Weight Watchers had a very similar process where they revamp every so often, right? Like, they come out. People get all excited, it's new, they get a bunch of subscribers, then people kind of catch on what's going on. They leave they need to make a pivot as the business world calls it. I'm watching Noom and I'm like, oh, here we go. Again. They're pivoting they're gonna start doing something else because it's the same frickin it's like the bro diet cycle with all the little people inside going through their diet cycles. It's bananas. So is that how you came to find intuitive eating was this awareness of like the the business aspect of it? What was it that made you turn into intuitive eating? Patrice 4:45 No, it wasn't that I knew fat. I didn't know that. I blamed myself. Like probably everybody who's listening to this podcast, because the cycle is you start you do really well, you're successful, and then you hit a plateau. And then you shame yourself. You know, in the case of my what I call in capital letters, my last diet, quote, quote, unquote, my medical provider, she was shaming me for starting to, you know, I went in, I regained two pounds, but it you know, I was already shaming myself for it. And so I was just in this state of what is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? I'm a smart, disciplined person, there must be something psychologically wrong with me. Uh, so I was in this, I don't know what the bottom of this spiral of shame. And you know, I've lost several family members in the last few years before I thought, you know, I've never really dealt with my grief, it must be grief causing this. And so if I get some grief therapy, this will fix me, and then I'll be able to lose weight and keep it off. So I've got a therapist, and I don't know, by Kismat, or something, when I mentioned that I was binge eating. And I really needed to figure out how I could keep weight off. And she said, have you heard of this thing called intuitive eating? And she had me order, you know, the original book, and I'm reading that book, it just blew my mind is like the brain blowing up emoji. It was it. And it resonated with me so much. And then it was like, then that's when I started knowing Melissa Landry 6:52 it made sense. Was that the first time someone had suggested it wasn't your fault? Patrice 6:58 Yes it was. Yes, it was, you know, and I was, I guess, 66 years old at that point in time. Melissa Landry 7:06 Yeah. Just takes one person to maybe say, Hey, look at this way. What if it's this and not the story? You've been telling yourself all these years, and it's your fault. I have like my little hairs are standing up. I hadn't known that. That was how you you came to learn intuitive eating? I know you had practice some of it with your therapist. But that's really powerful that that was someone in your life who just said, huh, I don't know, Patrice, I don't know if you're getting that story, right that you're there's something fundamentally wrong with you. And it turns out, spoiler alert, we'll talk about retraces process. There's nothing wrong with Patrice. She has a great body, it works for her. So that's an incredible relationship that you had with your therapist. I'm so glad for that. Patrice 7:49 It was like starting a pathway to freedom and actually being well, holistically. Well. Yes, I think that if you are just mired in this, your whole life is built around how you look and being thin and constantly beating yourself up in that in my last diet, I was keeping a journal, one of my strategies was I'm going to write in my journal every single day. And this is going to help me stay on track. And I was like a full, I don't know, 13-14 months. And I look back at that. And it was just like, all capital winners, you can do it today, I will track my food. Melissa Landry 8:41 So much energy, like mental energy goes into writing things down and pumping yourself up. And Patrice 8:48 you know, I'd started this right before the pandemic, really the big throws of the pandemic, when like everything shut down and bring your office home. And I think that in some ways made it easier. Like I wasn't around the lunch table at the office with everybody talking about their diets. You know, it's just such a common thing. I don't know if that's also true for men, but for women, I think it is like we're sitting around lunch at the office and we're just what's the latest diet that we're on? You know, so in some ways, I think that made it easier, but it was hard to you know, in the early stages, kind of letting go of the food rules. You know, when you start the intuitive eating process, one of the strategies is that you make a list of all your forbidden foods, things that are not allowed to cross the threshold of your house. Because if they're in your house, you will not be able to avoid eating the entire all of it in one sitting, Melissa Landry 10:06 sitting on your hands trying right? There'll be one of those two scenarios both. Patrice 10:10 It's really I mean, it was such a leap of faith to do this. And I had to sit my husband down also and just say, I need to try this. And he's always supportive of every single thing I do. And I don't think he believed it. At first, but he trusted, he trusted me to give it a try. So that was a real leap of faith, but I couldn't actually believe like, peanut m&ms are one of my were always one of my binge foods. So I had this, you know, one of those big like family size best m&ms, like that was a representation of forbidden food in my pantry, and just I had the book by me with the steps, what do you do? You take some out, and you savor them? And you know, like, do I really still like these? Yes, I did. You know, and you you eat them, as long as you're like, still fully enjoying them? Well, it wasn't that many that I, you know, so I just kind of trusted that process that's described in the book, intuitive eating. And I think, in most intuitive eating providers and literature, I see a very similar kind of process. And then I don't know, it was maybe three days where I really wasn't wanting those anymore. And they just kind of sat in there. I could not believe it. I couldn't believe it. It gave me more faith, like every step I took wound up. Yes, that's true. Okay, it's sort of built my confidence that I was on a good path. Melissa Landry 11:52 Yeah. And there's that experimentation and action, right. So you become aware of this concept, you kind of do some research, that's really common, I would say, most people, when they're going to make a change, or they're learning something, preparing is part of that process. Life is not, we've got wisdom, we've got experience, we're not going to jump off a cliff without our harness. That's okay. So you took a little time to wrap your head around it. And then you decided what you were ready for. And you bid that off little by little. And through that, I'm sure not everything you tried, went well, or perfect, but you kept experimenting. And that built the faith that built the trust, I think a lot of people sometimes put off the process until they feel confident until they trust their bodies. And unfortunately, that's not something we can give you prior to the practice. And that's what I think you mean, when you say leap of faith, you're like I just said, Well, something will happen. I'm gonna do, it will happen, I have to see. Patrice 12:51 Yeah. And you know, it's building a new relationship with food. And if you think about any new relationship, you get into you, at some point, you have to take a leap of faith, you know, like, Am I really going to be in this relationship? Am I going to carry this forward? Am I going to trust it? Honestly, all those things are part of this because it is a new relationship with food, which for me was the enemy, I had days where I wished I didn't have to eat here that a lot. Melissa Landry 13:29 Which makes me so sad. Because eating is just an act of respect and love and being alive. And it's beautiful. And it's just it's some it's a vehicle for joy and connection. And it's a sad thing to not want those things for yourself. I'm really struck with this analogy of relationship, I think that's a good one. And I'm thinking about any relationship in your life that you feel maybe is high quality or strong. You show up in that relationship. You don't, you know, come by once in a while, and then never again, you continue to show up, you maybe get annoyed and don't like the person all the time, but you stick with them. And you see them as a whole person, like my husband is away for the week right now. And I keep all the cabinets open. He looks past that in me, you know that I it works despite the fact I sometimes forget to close doors. So there are these things that can happen in the learning process that annoy you that are uncomfortable. But if you can kind of zoom out, like you did, and see Wait a minute, I'm shifting this, I'm gonna keep showing up. The trust does form. So it's a great analogy for people if that helps people to think, how would I show up if I was my own friend if I was my own partner? Patrice 14:40 Right? Right. And you mentioned learning because you are in the best relationships in your life. You're continually learning about the other person and about the relationship and about yourself. Melissa Landry 14:54 You had a little bit of your therapy. You had a therapist who is Intuitive Eating aligned, you had started some practice on your own. What was it that made you say, You know what, I think I might additionally like coaching with a registered dietician, what was it for you that made you decide that that would be a benefit at that time? Patrice 15:15 Really great question. Because, you know, I do like to read and learn, and, you know, et cetera, et cetera, I'm, I bet I follow every single Intuitive Eating influencer. On Instagram I've read, I just ordered two more books, but and so I was doing that. And yet, I was still struggling with kind of fully getting there. And I didn't even know what there was, I did really well, early on with figuring out my hunger cues. For example, some of the skills, I got that, but I could never get this thing of like, knowing when I was full on stopping eating, when I was full, I didn't get gentle nutrition, like I expected magically, to suddenly just know what to eat, that would be healthy. And, and then the other thing was body image coming out of the pandemic and back into the public. But also, we had this big family event coming my son's wedding, and trying on dresses for that and stuff. It was really shaking me. And I was I just felt like I can't, I'm getting miserable again, and I can't go there again. And so I started just looking at all the people I was following. And you know, attending some of the free things that people intro things that folks provide. And I went to one of one of your free sessions. And I know just the way you talked about things and explain things. And it was like, I can learn from this person. So yeah, Melissa Landry 17:06 I'm glad you're attending that I haven't run one in a while you're making me remember, when you think about coaching versus therapy, I think there's a question that a lot of people have are like, how is it that much different? Like why would I invest my time maybe my money in both of these services? What were some of the things that you saw in the coaching space that may be enhanced or different from the therapy space for you, Patrice 17:32 For me, every person is different. Of course, the coaching is much more specific and honed in on setting some goals like figuring out your goals. And then setting a pathway and then being like a coaches is someone who's beside you and knows how to reframe, you know, what you what you're experiencing, and a therapist does that also, but you, you stay more within this kind of goal. I think there is a lot of overlap. And I I told you one time, I thought you would make a great therapist. Melissa Landry 18:20 I believe that the outcome of our work is therapeutic. Yeah, it feels therapeutic, because you give audience to things that maybe you haven't really said out loud or organized in your mind before you have a space to make progress on things versus always staring and examining and taking in new information that can feel therapeutic. But coaching isn't therapy, therapy works more to provide methods and things that can resolve diagnoses, often around anxiety, depression. And that doesn't mean that that won't come to a coaching type of a conversation along the way. But the goals are slightly different. The boundaries are kind of different. And so I think that's what a lot of people tell me is that the specificity especially with these questions around gentle nutrition, gentle nutrition, what can I pursue, how do I pursue it versus body image and my discomforts there and being mindful not to use gentle nutrition to resolve those. So yeah, it sounds like the focus and the specificity were the biggest distinction for you that this was the place you could talk about this particular struggle in your life. Patrice 19:40 Agree. Okay. Yeah. And there were there were connection definitely connections and I had some real aha moments of connection with some of the therapy work before you and I started working. I had been with a different therapist because that therapist I've talked about before. or went on maternity leave and decided to stay on maternity leave and decided not to come back to being a therapist, but fairly different therapist was really working on anxiety that I developed a pretty nasty case of, during the pandemic. And so there's just a lot of connections that I kept finding, naming your feelings is was one of one of the ones and the power of and it can be this. And this, you know, those are some things that bubble up in both places that are really useful. Melissa Landry 20:40 I have a lot of times clients will say, like, if I make an observation, or I'm helping you apply a skill to the goal that you have, they'll say, oh, yeah, actually, my therapist mentioned this as a pattern with me, we identified that I didn't know what to do with that observation at the time. Okay, now I can pick that off the shelf, you're always building. You know, there is, I always call like a booster like there is almost a benefit of doing two at the same time. Because sometimes we're surfacing insights you can bring to therapy, and sometimes the therapies, surfacing things that they'll go, I'm not a dietician, I don't know how to answer their question. So it there is there is definitely benefit to both, but everybody's different. So that's why I offer discovery calls, because I want to hear with people like, what's going on? What do you what's working, what's not, and we can figure out together. But you knew that you needed that that more focused support. I want to switch gears a little bit here, you were interviewed for an article by Christine Byrne, who is a pretty popular writer in the anti diet space. I don't think she covers all her writing around anti diet work, but she definitely does focus on that. And I believe you were interviewed about your take on body image in your 60s? Patrice 21:54 Yes, I don't think the article has come out yet. Okay. But yeah, she was writing an article about how body image changes over time. And she was looking for someone in their 60s, a woman in her 60s, and said, Well, that could be me. Melissa Landry 22:13 Check those criteria. First, I have to ask. That's brave. Right? Like, what's really brave to to share your story with other people and be vulnerable about what you go through? I think particularly so because our observation is I don't I don't see a lot of women in their 60s and older, at least on social media, talking about this experience, and that they chose intuitive eating. Yeah. What was that like for you to share your story or think about sharing your story publicly, even here? Now? I'm just curious, like What compelled you to say, You know what I really want to tell people what I went through? Patrice 22:49 Well, I think her ask that it was specifically for a person's over age 60 just grabbed me, because there is so little representation in social media, and I'm not crying about that, you know, we, my generation, we are not the digital natives. You know, I'm not crying about that. But I love technology and social media. And so it could just, I don't know, I was touched by the fact that someone whom I admired was even thinking about people in my age group. So I don't know, I just, again, just leap of faith thought. I'm gonna see what this is like. And I wrote out all my answers to her. And that process was so cathartic for me just thinking about body image throughout my life, and it really helped me understand more of what I've been through the struggle and I'm curious to see what she gleans from that too. Because I know how journalism works. You don't you don't put everything in, you know, you're picking the prime pieces of the story, but the thing that really got me and thank goodness, I was working with you with this happen when she asked for a photo to remember. It nearly sent me down the dirt road. Melissa Landry 24:24 I just thought I was gonna wise words and get the heck out of here. Patrice 24:30 And I thought I had made so much progress, and then you send a photo and, oh, God, I learned that I wasn't as smart as I thought it was so and you really helped me get through that. I've learned a lot and I'm still learning and if I can say anything that helps somebody else. Why won't I I do that. And I have the time now, to do that now that I'm retired and all of this is just such a privilege to you know, I can I have access to therapy, I have access to an intuitive dietitian, registered dietitian I can, I have the time and resources for those things. And so I want to share as I can, Melissa Landry 25:23 I think that's beautiful. It was cool to watch you step into that. And by the way, that exercise, you know, NWA interviewed for an article, but that exercise of writing the story of your body is one that sometimes used in body image work to kind of help you to observe bigger picture and just look at it with that full perspective, rather than sometimes these flashes of pain that can come up as we're going through it. So two, for one special that you, you kind of bust shave with your vulnerability, and you had that cognitive experience of retelling your story. So I got to ask you, you know, in being in your 60s, you're observing that there's not a lot of representation, you've got this desire to maybe seek help, but half the I would say dietitians are in their 20s 30s, maybe 40s. What was it like for you? Typically? Because I'm younger than you, you know, so what was it like to work with someone who was younger than you? Patrice 26:17 The I'm laughing because when you get to this age, most people who are providing any kind of service, my doctor that I had for, I don't know, 40 years, retired last year, you know, it's that time most. Yeah. And being an educator, I love being around young people. Many of my friends are younger than me. And Melissa Landry 26:44 yeah, so for you, it wasn't a deal breaker that educators or supports weren't in your age bracket. Were there unique challenges for you, you know, thinking that you're in your 60s, were there challenges to breaking the diet cycle that you think maybe are different for someone in their 30s 20s doing this work? Patrice 27:02 Maybe the biggest challenge was, how long it's been going on. When I wrote that story of my body, the first time I remember stopping eating, so I could make myself smaller, was in junior high. And that was in 1967. So you have this long, long, long, long history. And at some point, I recognize that this is, this has been decades, five decades in the making, I'm, I'm not going to be better. You know, after three months of coaching, I'm not going to be totally there or any where and that was a moment where I thought this is really, for the rest of my life a journey that I'm I'm going to be on so I would say honestly, that was that's really the only thing Melissa Landry 28:07 can feel overwhelming. Yeah. Yeah. What would you say to someone who's feeling that way that I've been this way? A long time? You know, I've been to hiding like 50 something years? I don't know, maybe it's just easier to stay the same. Patrice 28:24 In my personal life, honestly, I've stopped trying to convince anyone. If I, you know, if I mentioned what I'm doing. And and somebody says, Well, yeah, and and tomorrow, I'm going to start intermittent fasting. I'm just not going to go there. And I guess that's a benefit. There are a lot of benefits to being older. Also, you know, it's just like, there's, it's so different, that you can't in an elevator speech, help someone understand it. It just can't. It's it's layered and deep and meaningful. And it's not simplistic, like a diet is like do these things. And that word intuitive. If you really unpack what's meant by that word, what is your intuition? You know, what do you think of that as being and that is something that's deep inside of you. And when you have we say, like a gut feeling about something. You don't even know where that comes from. Right? Right. It's it's hard to understand. Melissa Landry 29:44 Right? It's way more sensory than, than anything. And that's part of the skills you learn is like getting in touch with those senses body cues, emotions, alongside the thoughts. So yeah, I love that answer because you value autonomy. You're saying, look, it's okay, if you're not ready. And I agree with that. I think a lot of times maybe in the educational spaces, it can feel like this is something you should do or you have to do. And it's the good thing to do and diets are bad. But isn't that more of the same construct? Isn't that more of the same thinking that sort of led us into this diet culture mess. And so that is beautiful permission other people to say, if you're not ready, that's okay. We all get to decide how we live our lives. And maybe there is awareness of the impacts of diet culture on you, maybe what your journey looks like, is being less extreme around those impacts. Finding a little more peace versus ultimate peace, because I don't know if any of us get ultimate peace, Patrice. I don't, there's there's a few handful of people in the world who just seem to be even keeled, and you know, home everything as it goes, but most of us are struggling in some way. And we're learning to be with our struggles, whatever they are, right? Your anxiety, your grief, your relationship to food. And that's an honest framing. This is not a quick fix. It is not something you do the three month coaching, and oh my god, wow, I got a Ferrari in the driveway. And everything's, you know, this image of whatever your good life is, you're still you. And that's the good thing, you're still you at the end of it. That's extremely helpful advice and empowering, I hope to people, Patrice 31:29 you know, the one the one thing that you said to me, that was very life changing for me was in the lead up to my son's wedding. And that had just been such a huge trigger of body shame and fear of so afraid of what I was going to look like in an evening gown and, and what it would look like in the pictures and and what, in one of our sessions and you said to me, so what's your purpose? What's your purpose for the wedding? And again, brain blowing up emoji? It was like, Yes, I am thinking about completely the wrong thing. And I just kept that in my mind, during the whole experience. And I wore a body positive, very sparkling dress. And I was joyful the whole time. You know, what I realized my purpose was, was to celebrate, to welcome people to the celebration to help other people feel happy and comfortable being there, it was a chance for me to tell people in my son's life that I was grateful for them being in his life. And you know, just it allowed this freedom for me. And I was on the dance floor until 1am. Melissa Landry 32:58 Talking about opportunities, inner and external sparkle. Patrice 33:05 And that dress in the disco ball together, you know, just Melissa Landry 33:09 funny because I remember reflecting on some of your body image and you sharing, you know, some of the difficulty letting go of a smaller body was almost this image of of that, you know, I remember when I was smaller and younger, I was on the dance floor and I was you still are that person that is almost identical to what we were talking about the weight loss fantasy. And you were able to create that in your right now body. Oh, I like to hear that. That's amazing. That question happened much later in our program. I'd probably say the last third of the program somewhere in there. Yeah. And prior to that, Patrice had done quite a bit of work around emotional recognition, her thoughts and I want to just plant that seed for all of you. When you hear stories like Patrice is and you're like, Wow, amazing. I'm gonna be like Patrice. Yes. And please know, Patrice had done quite a bit of work up to that point to be ready to hear that question and act on that question. Because when we think about intuitive eating, work and body image, that intuition that interoceptive awareness or our body's ability to feel itself gets wildly clouded by racing thoughts and pent up emotion. So sometimes you can work through those things in therapy, and then it just kind of like you're more connected to your body and intuitive eating doesn't need so much instruction. Sometimes it happens for folks, other times you need that process in that space that lead up allow that question to hit you and activate you and the rest just becomes history. I don't think you planned out the wedding. It just happened the way it did. Well, congrats on that and Patrice. Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your story. It's really important to me when we have clients on that we talk about the nuances and the ups and downs. I want people to understand what this is and stop beating themselves up if it's not instant. I don't know anyone who decides to be an intuitive eater. I don't know There's an arrival, I don't know that there's a point where you just are what it is. It's a verb, right? Like intuitive eating. It's something that happens and your proof of that. Patrice 35:10 Well, I will just piggyback a little bit on what you were saying about inter, I can never say the word interoceptive language interest where awareness, awareness, and embodiment is another word that's used. And I guess, in my continued learning journey, after we were finished with our time, and so that's something that I've really just been learning more about. And it is something that helps me connect all the dots coming to be in your body. Because our bodies learners are smart, but we don't listen to them. And we've, you know, had decades of not listening. And my body didn't want to be starved, but I did it anyway, you know, my body didn't want to binge. But I did it anyway. And so it's just another piece of the puzzle. They're all these pieces of the puzzle. And you find a new one. And you just kind of, you know, it's like doing an actual jigsaw puzzle, where you pick up a piece and you you know, maybe 50 times and you're like, oh, no, it doesn't fit and so you like this, but eventually pick it up again, and it fits somewhere, you know. So I think that that's my encouragement to everyone is just kind of keep picking up the puzzle pieces and looking at them and see how they fit doesn't fit right now. You'll put it down and and try something else. Melissa Landry 36:41 And eventually you have a puzzle. You have the picture. Great that feels satisfying to know. Patrice, you and me we could just talk for hours we could I had my coffee here. I wish they could see me just slipping away like to old gal pals to chat and she's got twins. So good to see you. Thank you for sharing your story and just I'm thrilled for you. You're you know, my clients inspire me and you are someone who definitely I left our work saying like that openness to learning and trying new things is if anybody and that's my takeaway is to be open like Patrice because there are rewards for you when you are. Patrice 37:21 Thank you. Melissa Landry 37:22 You're welcome. Alright, take good care. Bye, bye. Bye. Okay, spill, how was your Thanksgiving? Last week, we talked all about it, we got some strategies in place, we made some room for all the fields, I hope any one of them came in handy for you, I can tell you that mine was pretty peaceful. I don't know, each year I get a little stronger with taking care of myself and boundary setting and I'm finding it's not perfect. Okay, there was definitely some annoyances and grievances. But that's okay. And I hope that you found a little bit of that. Now, let's say you didn't let me say that Thanksgiving was really extra challenging for you. It's okay to you could borrow a little bit from Patrice today, to see that as a learning opportunity as an opportunity for you to discover something new about yourself. Maybe things that you really need that you're not asking for or you're not getting from the world around you. Maybe it will give you some understanding of how to become stronger in your intuitive eating work. Patrice is giving you a little bit more perspective on a few truths. One is that intuitive eating is really hard work. In the beginning, you are pushing back on things that you learned in childhood and beyond kept reinforcing traces case, that was 50 years. And that doesn't mean that you're stuck through reading. And if you want to even making small changes can bring relief and peace and bring you closer to those things. I got so many encouraging messages from clients this week. One of them sharing that this was the first Thanksgiving that she could enter into the room with her mom, and not really feel like there was so much pressure anymore to be a perfect leader or even a perfect person around her a full blown grown woman. Finally feeling free around her mother. I have other clients are working through being more flexible, holding themselves accountable to nourishing themselves regularly. And really living life with no more guilt. If you haven't yet, I want to encourage you to get my free three step guide. I put the link in show notes. It'll give you some steps and processes that my clients are using. And if you're really wanting point in the right direction, I am accepting one to one clients. You can join me and together we can figure out where your strengths are and where your challenge areas are. So we can target them one step at a time together just like the guide all the information for one to one coaching is in shownotes I'd love to meet you hear what you're working on and see if I can be a support at this point in your intuitive eating work. Until next time, we good to your good body. Transcribed by https://otter.ai