I mean – we can assume most of us have a body image origin story here, right?!
Food guilt doesn’t spring out of nowhere… when did it start for you?
My client Nicole shares when her body image problems started, when she realized it was time for her to make a change, and how she leaned on the No More Guilt program for 3 months to:
- Stop harmful dieting practices (hello, binge restrict cycle) every time she experienced negative body image
- Play with her son on the beach…in a bathing suit…no drama, totally carefree like she never imagined
- Let her friends in on her journey, instead of hiding it
- Practice SUPER strong self-care
- Use her intuitive eating mindset to improve multiple aspects of her life: including work, relationships, and her relationship with spending
Join the Break the Diet Cycle Podcast Community in Instagram: @break.the.diet.pod
Connect with Melissa on Instagram: @no.more.guilt
This episode was sponsored by No More Guilt with Melissa Landry. Reminder that though we are dietitians, we’re not *YOUR* dietitian. Podcasts don’t constitute treatment. If you have concerns about your dieting behaviors, seek out guidance from a medical or mental health professional. And if you’re looking for the process, support, and focus you need to live life without food guilt apply for a coaching program from today’s sponsor. No More Guilt with Melissa Landry is currently enrolling clients into 1:1 programs, group programs, and, recently added a do-it-yourself learning format: the Ex-Dieter’s Guide to No More Guilt.
when does body image become a problem? with Nicole P [Melissa’s client] transcript
Melissa Landry 0:02 Hi there, I'm Melissa, a registered dietitian specialize in intuitive eating for on again off again, chronic dieters, and I'm here to help you take the guilt and stress out of eating so you can be the first in your family to break the diet cycle. I'm interested in helping you unlearn generational diet trauma, so you can be who you are without food guilt. Be sure to follow on Instagram at no more guilt for more support between these episodes. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Nicole, we're here to tell your story. I'm so glad you could be on the podcast today. Before we jump in, and all things intuitive eating and how you applied it. Would you introduce yourself? Tell the audience a little bit about you. Nicole 0:49 Thanks for having me, Melissa. My name is Nicole. I am a new mom. I guess not really, totally new. My son is 16 months old. So just getting into the swing of things. Melissa Landry 1:04 Sixteen months, they're new to me. Like he's still pick up a bowl. That's new. Nicole 1:08 Yeah, yeah, he doesn't believe that. He's still a baby. But to me, he is a speech pathologist. I recently opened a private practice. So I have a lot going on. So things are going well. I was married during pandemic. So lots of craziness in the past couple of years. It's been a, it's been a busy few years for us. Melissa Landry 1:31 Yeah, so lots going on, you're kind of in that season of your life where there's a lot of change, there's a lot of excitement, there's a lot of growth, I guess we might start there with why it felt like a good time to jump in on deepening your intuitive eating work. What can we do you want to do the program when all that was going on? Nicole like that could have been a time to yourself, forget it. But you actually added more to your plate with this program. So tell me, why did you want to join the program and deepen IE. Nicole 2:00 So there were a couple reasons. First, what I think really prompted me to want to explore other options besides dieting was just becoming a mom and realizing that some of the old thought pattern and behaviors that I had always used weren't really working for me anymore. And so I also realized when actually any moms or parents who are listening can relate when you have a child, your brain is just being pulled in every direction. And the last thing that I really had the time for was to be beating myself up about what I ate and didn't eat and exercise and all those things. So I was looking for a way to get more in touch with myself without having it be a constant battle. And I think starting to look into intuitive eating, it just sounded like something that could really support me in that journey. And also, like I said, all the mind, space that was being taken up by my new role as a mom and trying to start a private practice. I really just recognize how much time and energy goes into dieting and goes into all those thought patterns that I'm like, You know what, I want to free up some time for things that actually make me feel good. So it was kind of a mental thing, and, and also a physical thing of wanting to wanting to respect and honor my body and try something different. Melissa Landry 3:28 Rarely do people come into this as enrichment. Most people come to this that up, you don't want to experience racing thoughts and feelings held back in your life. And so it was definitely true for you. You're just kind of fed up with how much time this was taking. Yeah, when did this all start for you this worry about food and body image? Nicole 3:48 Oh God, I don't really ever remember not having those thoughts and those anxieties, I was never a skinny child. So I think even in childhood, I always kind of was aware of my body. I've always had different insecurities when it came to my size and my body and things like that, you know, if I really think back to the earliest thoughts of like dieting, or just being hyper aware of my body, I can remember thinking like, I need to suck in my stomach, like I need to make myself look smaller. And you know, thinking of going to even like the swim club as a little girl and you know, wearing a tankini instead of a bikini because I thought that my belly was too big. And so I can remember those things happening even at such a young age. And now if I saw girl, a little girl that age, maybe eight or nine, I wouldn't even, you know, you really don't even want to believe that they're already starting to have those thoughts. But I do think that that's when it kind of started for me thinking of TV shows at that time, like in the early mid 90s The characters that were I'm doing air quotes, but the characters that were that look just like me, so you sort of get that messaging, all those magazines, those nasty magazines and the stories that would be in there about celebrities who had gained weight last week, it was just so much messaging, I think for so long that you just start to absorb and believe it. And I think that I first started dieting probably in at maybe 14, 9th grade. And I became really obsessive with it. And so I think it was sort of a culmination of all the messaging and just little experiences and media and things like that, that kind of came to a head once I entered high school and had more control over what I was going to eat, and how we're going to move Melissa Landry 3:57 Itty bitty experiences that start to add up. And then high school is such a such a complicated time, you're, you want an adult like you're so you're excited to like act on your independence and that control and that freedom, but your brain is not, you're still a kid too. And it's such a jumbled time. And I know we talked a lot about that in the program, you sort of making peace with that time and reframing that time, which was really beautiful. Nicole 6:04 When you think back to that time, and at that time, you truly believe that you were an adult, like, you know, at that time, you really felt so old. And so like you understood things, and now looking back, and seeing kids at age like wow, I was actually a child, those are children. Melissa Landry 6:20 I remember, friends would be like, once we turned 18 We're like we're 18 Like I remember this like we were talking about it all the time. How mature we were when Facebook pops up those pictures from like, oh my god, like a real mature Melissa though Yeah, really mature. We want to put those pictures at a file never to be seen again. Nicole 6:39 Delete, delete, delete, every time I get a Facebook memory, like delete, nothing. Melissa Landry 6:44 At the time, you don't have critical eye to say, wait a minute, why are all the celebrities like looking the same? But when I look in real life bodies are not like that. Why are these messages about fatness and you know, all the stereotypes that we hear? Why do they exist? We don't have that in our head to even protect ourselves. And if the adults in our world heard telling us actively, like, Hey, this is bullshit. How are we supposed to know? It just seeps in, like you said, Nicole 7:13 and it's path down. I mean, just even hearing, you know, friends, parents and other adults in life, everybody, you know, was kind of a topic of conversation just in passing, like, oh, you know, I eat too much. Or that was somehow that was so bad. I need to do this. I need to do that. So it was always sort of just common to hear those kinds of conversations, even if you know, wasn't coming directly from me or other girls my age, it was just there. And I could still remember like, I don't know, what's it 20 years ago, the Jenny Craig commercials like they were so catchy was like 95 Jenny, one eight. Melissa Landry 7:49 It was like 95 and your 95 Nicole 7:51 every year, every year change. Melissa Landry 7:55 you will never lose the number that way. You will. Nicole 7:57 And I remember it now. So you know. So they got me with that one. So even as a little kid just learning like the jingle to Jenny Craig. I mean, it was like a messaging just existed. Melissa Landry 8:07 Oh, I brought that up. It is kind of fun to remember old commercial. Yeah, we were just having a conversation about remember the one called Pure mood. It was like, all these different chill songs, if you don't remember. Okay, but I can still remember the little snippets of the song Nicole 8:23 of What song would come next. Melissa Landry 8:26 Song like it was one song the kids today do not have the commercial exposure? They don't. It's kind of a loss. No. Yeah, Nicole 8:34 I think so. They're missing out. Melissa Landry 8:36 We're cool with the no Jenny Craig, though. Look, I was in those waiting rooms with my mom. And so a difference in our lived experience is that I was never in a larger body of never labeled as fat. And so I think it does impact you and me differently that experience our lives. This wasn't one of the questions we planned on. But is it okay to talk a little bit about that? Just thinking about how you and I both had that messaging and Jenny Craig, diet, culture definitely seeped into our minds. Your experience is a lot different than mine. Would you want to talk a little bit about that? And how you see, you know, being in a bigger body, going through the world, navigating diet culture, how is that different than for, say, a thin woman or a smaller body woman? Nicole 9:18 Yeah, I mean, I, if I put it into perspective, I can only speak for myself and the size that I am. And I know that other people have had bigger struggles. So it's always kind of hard for me to pinpoint my experience because I know that I'm still in a straight size body. I'm at the upper end. I don't know a lot of the girls are calling it mid size. And I think there's all these little ways of talking about fatness and making it making it your own. I think for me, the reason that it influenced me the way that it did was because a lot of times you would see the before and after and in the before picture, the person would have a bigger stomach or whatever the case may be and I would recognize some of those body parts In that before picture, and I would think like, Oh, if only I would have the discipline to do Jenny Craig or to do the program or to eat better than I wouldn't look like this. And I could also have that ideal body, when you're living in a larger body, you, you, I mean, at least for me, I kind of take in those messages are personal for me, you know, whereas somebody who maybe never had those experiences or always was thinner, you know, you might still see the messaging, but it doesn't directly apply to you, and you don't relate to that person in the ad, the personalization of it was tough for me. The other thing, it's trendy to have a big butt and thicker thighs and a tiny waist, and you know, to be that our last shape, it's trendy and, and I would always think I'll never have that, but that will just never, that's not my body, it can be really disheartening for girls or anybody to hear this messaging and realize that that's actually not possible for you to achieve that ideal body, it's really not, it's not an option that can be upsetting. And then you kind of you're like me and you, you're you fall victim to that, like diet, culture, and those kinds of things, you're gonna try your hardest to achieve that. And then it's just you know, every time it doesn't end up happening, you take it as a personal failure, because the ads were personal. And you felt like only you had the motivation and you did all the stuff that you're supposed to do, you would be in that body. Melissa Landry 11:25 We take the ads at face value. There's literally a label of saying this body, you know, the before body is the wrong or the, quote, bad body. And here's the steps to change it to the quote, good or preferred body not knowing right now we know now you've gone through the work and you've been exposed to new messages, that testimonial probably lasted six months for that person. If that person did maintain the weight loss very often folks report obsession with food, fear of weight gain that impacts their lives, and the people who didn't experience that are likely moving within their setpoint weight range that wasn't really outside of their genetic norm happening. But the way we snapshot told a story to so many people that did real harm, and does real damage for decades, to so many people. Personalization is what makes it really Yeah. Nicole 12:15 And just knowing or comparing the constant comparisons to I think, I mean, I think young people today have it worse than even people in our generation had it in terms of like social media and stuff. But just that constant comparison to other people, especially with social media, like even now, as an adult, I'm 32 years old. And I still find myself falling into that comparison and seeing what other people are doing or what they look like or what they have and wanting to achieve those things. And it does take a lot of work to take a step back and saying that's not really my priority right now. And that's not how am I going to live? How am I living in my values or what I want, as opposed to just constantly in search of a smaller body, which hasn't happened yet? And probably won't happen. Melissa Landry 13:01 It's work. It's work. What would you say about the work? So what I mean by that you had started some stuff on your own, you were aware of some of the principles, what was it like for you to deep Intuitive Eating work through the program, Nicole 13:15 I am the kind of person who loves to learn. So if there's a topic that comes up that I'm really interested in, or something that I think will improve life for me personally, or professionally, I'm going to dive in. So I really had already kind of started the process before joining the group, like you said, and I started with curating my social media, because I had noticed that the amount of time I was spending online and scrolling wasn't making me feel good at at all. So I'm like, You know what, I need to start finding people to fill my feet that look like me that have similar experiences to me, or who looked different than me, but they're going to teach me something or offer me something that is value started there. And that's when the intuitive eating messaging started to show up for me on my social media. So I'm like, Yeah, that sounds interesting. I had never really, even me, I had heard of it. But I had never even a second thought. And then I started to look more into it. And I'm like, you know, I have actually gotten so far away from listening to my body and to connecting with those cues. I don't even know what it feels like to be hungry or full. The basic cues are something that I'm not even sure that I could, could notice or describe. I'm like, this is interesting. How can I get back in touch with just the natural way that I my body wants me to be and so I started to do the work on my own. But then joining the group was really nice for me because I'm the kind of person that likes to learn from other people too. It was nice to hear other people's stories and get to share mine and get feedback and just feel like you know, you're not alone in the journey because it can be really difficult if you do feel like you're the only one who is putting in that work that has the He struggles with body image, you know, if you're surrounded by people who really aren't in that same space, it can be lonely, I would get myself worked up about something related to body image, you know, I'd be having a bad body image day. And I could see the way that it affected everybody around me, whether it's me not wanting to go somewhere anymore, me not being in a pleasant mood, all of those things are affected, or were affected by the way that I was feeling about my body. So I thought, you know, I need to invest in myself. And I remember talking to my husband and a couple of my girlfriends, and I'm just like, You know what, after all the things I've tried, I, this is something different, and something that could really help me for a long time. And something that could not only, you know, help me with one aspect of my life, but could really affect my confidence, my self esteem and the way that I raise my kids to different messaging than the I received as a child. So that was always kind of a push for me to, you know, I have a son. And we know that boys don't get all that theme, messaging about their looks being the most important thing. But I still want to raise my son to listen to his body and respect it and set boundaries and also to respect everybody around him to you know, to not not be the kind of, kind of guy who thinks he can point out other people's flaws or make nasty comments about other people's bodies. And that's just, you know, that's not the way that we, my husband, and I want to raise our son. And so for me, it was kind of like, I can't continue to talk so badly about my own body, if I want my children to have a different experience. Melissa Landry 16:43 We had Aaron Flores, who is a male registered dietitian who talks about body image on a couple seasons back. And we talked about how Yeah, like boys aren't targeted as much, but they say they're still body norms that disconnect them from their bodies, we probably don't know the prevalence of disordered eating in men, because it's not that there aren't even support communities for men. So that's one thing that I think you're absolutely right about, we do need to prevent this for men. And one of the biggest things people worry about when they're pursuing Intuitive Eating is like, will I be attractive to my partner? Will I be able to date because fatphobia is real in that world. So assuming this is a hetero relationship between men and women? Yeah, that's something else that men can do to support women and support all of us and not being stuck in this, I just think that's such a great parenting philosophy that you have. We don't want to overlook our boys. Nicole 17:38 You bringing that up kind of reminds me of years ago, when I was doing like online dating, which I know is so common in, in, you know, people in their 20s and 30s. And beyond. I remember being very self conscious from the experience of online dating, because you really are putting your looks out there first. And I always had that underlying thought of like, what if I show up to the DEA, and they thought that I was going to be skinny? And I'm not skinny? Well, what if they thought I was going to look a certain way, and I don't look that way. So I think putting all that emphasis on looks for me for online dating, took me back a few steps, because I think at that time I was feeling okay about myself, but then that sort of like system of having to lead with your picture and lead with the way that you look was hard for me. Because then what would happen was, you know, I'm sure a lot of people can relate you with online dating, it's like, you go on a first date, and then a lot of times, that's it, you don't hear from them again. And so every time that would happen, I would subconsciously say well, you know, it's probably because of the way that you look or the size that you are. And so I was eating, I was beating myself up for things that may or may not have even been the truth. But I think that experience of online dating and meeting people in that way really did a number on my self esteem because I was left to fill in the blank of why the person didn't call again, and why the person didn't want to pursue a relationship. And you know, it's funny, because it's never like my first thought was never like, oh, well, maybe I was just maybe we just didn't connect or maybe he thought I was weird. You know, it was always like, Oh, well, it must have been my body then you know. So I think all that messaging, it shows up in every like Season of Life one way or another. So until you're ready to really address it and work on it. It's just going to keep showing up in a different in a different costume like in a different way. It's going to be there. If you're not ready to kind of break the cycle and you just keep continuing it'll show up in some way or another and it will really wreak havoc on your relationships and the way you feel about yourself, which is for me something that I just could not do anymore. I'm like I can't be waking up every morning and just saying like thinking and saying the most, you know harmful things about myself. Like that's not a way to live. Melissa Landry 20:06 Yeah. So many people say they wish they had started sooner once they get the relief of intuitive eating. Your point is a good one. Like, sometimes you're not ready. Sometimes it's too scary. Sometimes it's, it's not the right time. And if that is someone listening right now, I just want to invite you to take bits and pieces of intuitive eating because this is not an all or nothing experience. So often, we think, Well, I'm not going to do intuitive eating until after I find my partner. And I know that that we're cool. And then I can let my body like that's the thing, right? Yeah, I won't do intuitive eating until I lose x pounds first, that's another common thing. Or I won't do intuitive eating until there's all art get married, whatever that that roadblock is, and so they do nothing. And these thoughts go unchecked, entirely. Maybe you wouldn't have been an intuitive eater back when you were dating. But what if you had introduced that thought of like, yeah, my body maybe was one factor. But maybe also, it wasn't a match? Maybe not? Everyone's for me, maybe I don't need to be liked by everyone. Maybe? Yeah, he's one aspect of my life. And that's where you mentioned values a moment ago, and I think that was your greatest strength in the program. Whenever you got stuck, I could see your brain working quickly to be like, no, no, what's the most important thing you're incredibly like, you're a problem solver, you get things done, Nicole, so that it was cool to see that side of you work better for you, when you could be more value driven versus beholden to that than ideal, or dieting messages that you heard. Nicole 21:32 It's true, because as a speech therapist, like I'm always looking for ways that can improve their, their journey and improve their life in general. And I'm always putting in the work to do that. So it was interesting to be on the receiving end, and then doing that same work, but for my own benefit, and for my own journey, and kind of turning it back on myself. And putting in that same work that I put in for other people into my own my own self. You reminded me of this quote that a friend of mine told me years ago, and it's like, the first thought you have is what your what you've been taught to believe are conditioned to believe. And then the second thought you have is what you actually think and believe. Like, I would say to the people listening who haven't started the journey, who or who aren't sure if they're ready, I still have those first thoughts. Like, I still wake up and think, Oh, my God, that's it. Like, I'm done with intuitive eating. I'm dieting today, um, I'm downloading whatever like app of the day it is, and I'm done with this. And I might have that thought, but then it's like, a minute or two later. The real me is like, okay, I get it, you're having a moment. But let's think about does that actually make sense for you? Is that really something that you want to do? Or are you just having a moment, and usually, it's that I'm just having a rough time. And I can use other tools that I've learned in the process to kind of relax. And a lot of times it comes from other stressors or other issues that are going on, and then I kind of just ended up taking it out on my body, or the way that I look, realizing that you're not going to be immune to wanting to diet or lose weight forever, it's not going to be something you never ever think about, I still think about it. And I still do battle that sometimes even as somebody who's really working on this stuff. But I think the comforting thing for me is that I don't have to hide that I'm having those thoughts. I can be like, Wow, I'm really thinking about dieting today, or like cutting carbs or something that I really know that I don't want to do and don't need to do. And I can be like, that's really, you know, that's something I'm experiencing. And I wonder why. And I can be more curious about why that's happening, as opposed to just taking that first thought that I have at at its face value and just acting on it, which is what I think I've done repeatedly and never gotten the result that I had hoped for. So I do think, you know, if there's people out there who aren't sure if it'll work for them, it's a process. And you always said that to Melissa, that it's not something you're just going to be perfect at. And for those of us who are perfectionist, that's not what we don't like to hear that. So Melissa Landry 24:19 Takes one to know one. My program is very much designed with that in mind. And you're right that this is it can be painful, feels like a strong word, but it can feel uncomfortable learning this in the beginning. One thing I noticed with you is that because of what you just described, which is the ability to say, Oh, I'm having these thoughts. It's okay. I have other tools for this. It's certainly not comfortable, but I can get through this. You're dropping the shame, you're dropping the guilt, and you're making yourself more likely to be curious, like you said, what was happening with you is that curiosity caused you to try something different. Sometimes it worked Sometimes it didn't. And from that experience, you would then have more clarity about what to do next time. So we started our program, it's been almost three months. So what we know with clients is that first three months is probably the most rigorous because you're you're doing a lot of experiments, and many of them fail, if you don't work, like you hope, but having the support to debrief that and figure out the next step means that you get some good experiences to that then propel you. And I think that's, I'm hoping that's what's up ahead for you is that you get faster and stronger. Even if these thoughts persist, they're not going to hold you back anymore. Nicole 25:40 Yeah, for sure. And you don't go back to square one, even if you have a rough day, or a rough week or month, like you don't end up. You don't have to end up back where you started you, you still have something, a cushion to land on from the things that you've worked on the things that have resonated. And there were times in the group where other people would share their experiences. And I would think, like, I've never even thought of that, you know, like people talking about, what can what can I add to my meal to make it more satisfying and make me feel, you know, fuller and better and just more, you know, happy with the way that I'm eating? Like, I've never even considered adding to a meal as opposed to, you know, the normal thought that's like, are not normal. But you know, the thought that's kind of push that's like, well, what can I completely cut and take away and make this meal fit my diet. And so little skills like that, that came up with the other people in the group, were really nice to just here, because it does give you a different outlook and perspective on ways that you can learn to respect your body. Like I won't say we're at loving our body yet. I don't know if we ever will be there. But we're we're we're not at the we're not at hating our body. So we're, we're somewhere we're not, we're somewhere, all right, we're somewhere on the spectrum. But we're not, we're not at one end or the other, we're somewhere in the middle, which is all you can kind of hope for, I think, with the journey, because it is something you have to work on. And it's nice to be the one who's learning these things. Because now I can have a different dynamic in other relationships as well, like, I know, I've talked about it with my friends, I've kind of told them, you know, I'm really working on my body image. And so I'm no longer going to, you know, at least I'm going to try to no longer make self deprecating comments about my size or my body. And I'm going to work on trying to be more neutral about my body and those kinds of things and explaining to the friends that I've had for years and years why this was important and why I'm doing it. What really surprised me was a lot of my friends were experiencing similar body image issues, no matter what they look like, even my friends who I would view as having, you know, no reason to have those issues. So you really don't know what issues people have. And you can be any size and struggle with your body image. You know, being able to talk with other women about these experiences we've lived through and how we can kind of change them. We were at a a wedding, I will share this even though I don't know if my friends will listen to this or not. I'm sure they will. But we were at a wedding. And this was after we had all kind of decided we're not going to talk badly about our bodies anymore. And another friend came over and she she wasn't in that original conversation. And she said something, something that we all say something that we would all have said a week before but just so happened we were freshly decided not to do we were evolved to evolve. And she said something like, oh, like I feel so whatever fill in the blank, like I feel so whatever it was, and another friend of mine was like, um, we actually don't say that anymore. So we're working on like being neutral or respecting our bodies, like, you know, like article, she was just like, What do you mean? And then we all were talking about it again. And I'm like, we're actually talking about this at a wedding after God only knows how long we've been at it. So it's, you know, it just shows you that sometimes opening up to the friends and people around you can actually be helpful and they will understand they will, they will relate and and they'll be able to kind of support you on your journey and she was like, Oh, tell me more. I want to know more about this. So it is kind of an exciting. When you hear there's a way out. You're like I'm sure Melissa Landry 29:43 You are setting a norm. When you do that. You're setting a norm like it this is a form of really strong boundary setting. I think sometimes when people think about boundaries, it's like hello, I would like you to stop doing this behavior and behavior. I will never speak to you again. That is how We think about behaviors being rigid, punitive, fixed, but sometimes boundaries can be imagining an ideal condition or imagining a culture that you want in your life. And leading into that, speaking that helping people to behave that way. Of course, there are always exceptions, if you are unwilling, harmful, that's not we're talking about, if you've got your life who say, Oh, yeah, me too. And you're healed, you're not suffering so much, you have more bandwidth to be that role model. And you are exactly the kind of client I was hoping to attract. Because that's exactly why I built this program. Why this? This is called diet cycle podcast, I think we have so much power, if we want to first start with us, and then get curious about how we can lift other people up who aren't there yet, because we're early adopters. This is not the status quo yet. We have to be the ones if we want it to stop. So. Nicole 30:57 Yeah. Melissa Landry 30:59 love that you did that with your friends. And I hope I'm glad it was fun. And like open that conversation. Yeah. Nicole 31:04 And you know, it's not like you can never, we still have our moments of complaining about ourselves or calling, you know, we all have a bad day. But now that we've kind of set the tone of like, well, this is what we're working toward. We can kind of help each other in the journey, as opposed to adding fuel to the fire. Because, you know, whereas before, it might have been like, Oh, I'm feeling so bad. And, you know, everyone might be like, alright, well, let's, we're all going to start a diet on Monday. And we're all going to cut this and do that and X, Y, and Z. And now it's like, that's not our first thought. So that to me, the when it's like, even if we still have these underlying challenges and stuff. It's like our first reaction isn't to like, okay, how can we restrict and take away and punish ourselves? It's like, oh, yeah, you're heading up? Yeah, you're having a bad day. I get it. Like I had a bad day this week, too. And what helped me was journaling or taking, everyone always says taking walk, but full disclosure, I hate absolutely walking. I'm not I'm not a hot girl walk, girl. Melissa Landry 32:09 I'm not really a journaler. Yeah, it's so each their own baby Nicole 32:14 Each their own. And sometimes it's just scrolling tick tock for a few hours and just checking out. Yeah, I mean, who is to say what self care isn't like I always brought up I would always laugh, because I would say this in every single group. Self Care is doing something for the current you that the future you will be pleased with, or something that you've been putting off that will make your future self make their life easier. So it doesn't always have to feel like self care. Sometimes, for me, it's like, responding to emails that I've put off, like, to me, that's self care, because then at night, I don't have to lay there, panicking about the emails I didn't respond to so just you know, hypothetically, like, Melissa Landry 33:00 I don't know how to walk, right? It's true. And that's important to say, because like, this is where like diet culture can sometimes sneak in, like we learn the framework of intuitive eating, but our brainstorming, snaps back to the solutions and diet culture. So there's so much evidence when you talk of how, like when you said, the first thoughts that condition one, the second thought is like me, your second thoughts, the more you're sharing, this is a lot of second thought sharing here in the podcast, it's, it's a lot, it's really open, it's like, and I love that you practice your inner self talk outwardly, to the people in your life, that's just going to crystallize it even more as they get on board. And as you practice those words and those beliefs in your life, that's, that's really, it's high integrity, it's authentic, it's real, when you do it that way. Nicole 33:47 Yeah, and I know, like authenticity, for me is like, one of the bigger values that I've always kind of come to if I think about what I really value, it's like being authentic to myself and, and to my, you know, people that I care about and just doing things that I feel are right for me so and this journey has really, you know, the the tools that you learn with intuitive eating and in the, in the community, like, you can apply them to other aspects of life too. And I know you have other episodes about like, money mindset and things like that. It really does kind of all relate to the way that you view different areas of your life. And I feel that the tools that I learned through intuitive eating and through your program have really helped me to get a better sense of what I need to do and want to do and other aspects of my life that maybe I was avoiding or doing too much in like spending. If you're my husband, I'm just kidding. I actually don't spend any money. But for the rest of us, you know, like spending and sorting But if you're my husband, keep scrolling, if there's anybody else, you know, does help you with those, those aspects of life to which surprised me, I wasn't expecting to get those skills that can be applied to different aspects, I kind of thought it would all relate to body image, but it really does, like you said, it broadens the tools that you have, and really helps you to just become more authentically you like to be living how you want to live, Melissa Landry 35:25 totally. And the process we took Number one is I always support clients and focusing on what they want. That includes identification of value words. So for you, authenticity was one that came up, we do that so that it inspires you to kind of vet your choices against that value, then we work mindset. And that's what you're talking about the mindset work actually does help. It does generalize a lot of different places. The curious tone is something that you can use anywhere, then body awareness, that's something you can use anywhere, our emotions are signals, they're not bad, they can be uncomfortable, they're not bad. That's another thing that can help you make sense of what you need and want. And then lastly, we talked about enjoying who you are, and ultimately, being authentic feels good. That means Yeah, who you are. So you continue to work this process in so many ways. Nicole 36:16 And like freeing up the space that was taken up by all those negative body image thoughts, and all the work that takes his diet or work like they are a lot of work mentally and physically. And so bring up that space in your brain can really let you work on things that you you know, goals and aspirations that you have. And you can see like all the different things that you actually are capable of once you're willing to kind of move away from beating yourself up about the way you look. So that's been another thing for me, I feel like I'm getting I've accomplished so much in such a short period of time, because I'm not spending so much time just living in that negative space of wanting to change my body. Melissa Landry 36:58 Yeah, well, you're awesome. And I'm excited for you. Because how are you this space freed in your life means who knows? Like you don't know, that's the exciting thing. It's, it's gonna keep showing up in new ways for you. So I'm just so glad a chance on the program and, and you invested in yourself even before joining the program. And I think that's something I want clients to hear is like, programs are catalysts, often to help insights for more quickly, their supports, to help the journey not be so lonely and like white knuckle miserable. You are coming into these programs with more than you think. And that is something that many of my clients tell me is like, Melissa, you pointed out all these things I was doing well, and I didn't know you're coming into this more than you think. And I say that because many people put off support because they think that they are behind other people, or they're just too broken. And it's just not true. You are an example of someone who had a lot of eggs in her basket and you organize them and you made it happen. And it's just exciting to see. Nicole 37:58 Yeah, and now I can be more present as a mom as just a person. As a professional as a wife, like I feel like my my ability to just be present and there with my family and my friends has been, you know, such a positive that come out of this whole experience and just be able to be here and accept where we are and where we're going and kind of be more appreciative of myself and my body and what it's done. For me. That's all been just positive things that have happened as a result of this. And in addition to everything else we talked about has been really, really nice. And I thank you, because if it wasn't for you, a lot of this would have happened. So thank you. Melissa Landry 38:43 You're welcome. I'm blushing. Even though I like to teach you guys to accept compliments. I'm like, I hate it's not easy. I get it. Thank you and I value our partnership. That's, I mean, you're a clinician, too. I think you and I have chit chatted a little bit about this before it. That's the partnership like you couldn't do your your work by yourself. I couldn't do my work by myself. We were a team. And that meant a lot to me. So I appreciate you sharing your story. Would you like to share a bit about your private practice or where people can find you? Nicole 39:13 Yeah, sure. I mean, I'm happy to do that. So I work. My private practice is called connection speech pathology. It's in southeastern Pennsylvania. So the greater Philadelphia area, I work with individuals with complex communication needs. So I specialize in augmentative and alternative communication, which is using technology to support communication skills. So if anybody would like to find me, it's my handle on Facebook is connection, speed pathology. And the website is www dot connections speech. pathology.com. So if you have any questions about your child's speech and language development, I'd be happy to help. Melissa Landry 39:52 Nicole I'm gonna put that in show notes. Thank you. I think that would be wonderful. If any of you out there I can speak to Nicole's warmth and her critical thinking and her problem solving. If you are personally aligned with her spirit and your energy, you would probably lovers out there. So thank you so much for your time. I guess I'll see you around our Facebook group in here. But it was really good to have some time together today. Nicole 40:19 Thank you, talk to you soon. Melissa Landry 40:21 I know it's stuck in my head now. Do you? One 809 They thought Jenny, or would it be one 822 Jenny, this now needs a content warning because I decided to sing the Jenny Craig jungle, my bad. This is such a fun conversation. I really like Nicole's sense of humor and her perspective. And I hope that she got you feeling seen and heard because her story is like so many other people's stories, because the media is the backdrop of the culture. It reflects the culture. And so if you're like, oh, yeah, I remember seeing that advertisement as a kid that made me start to question my body or compare myself. Remember, our mother's aunties, teachers, anyone who reinforced generational diet trauma in you was also seeing that stuff. So it really was such a, I don't always know where these conversations are gonna go. But it was so helpful to remember Sure, there are individual relationship dynamics, I talked about it on my page all the time, and my bananas reels with all my wigs. But there's also a backdrop of the media and learning how to process that experience and say, Okay, that's why I think the way I think and move out of like a rumination stage. Oh, God, I'm so angry, hold space for that. But how do we get out of that ruminating angry space into the space that says you know what that happened? Here's how it impacted me. It wasn't okay. And here's what I'm going to do next. That's really the the joy and the power of Nicole's story. She makes it look easy. But as you can see, there was a whole practice behind it, and want you to feel inspired by that. You will not snap your fingers and be rid of a lifetime of generational diet trauma overnight, though, I wish it were possible. That's not likely the story. So anyone you see who is making you feel inspired or excited, or you want to be able to do the things they're doing around food or body image, remember, it's a practice. Couple ways, I'm gonna invite you to do that today. One, if you haven't yet, you're gonna go get my free guide. There are supports in there to help you break down what ever is important to you. And Intuitive Eating down small, I think it's a perfect pairing with the podcast. Because as you learn little ideas and nuggets, you can implement them in your life, you don't need to just wait or say, Oh, this is a huge, big thing and put it off to later you can actually start now. So my free guide is one way I want to invite you to get started and get inspired. And if you're feeling like yeah, I'm not a guide person. I'm not a DIY person. I'm a verbal processor, you can always head over to no more guilt on Instagram. At my link in bio you can find the application for my one to one coaching program. I'd love to work with you. I cannot tell you what it means to me to get to know my clients as you can tell, I want to hear your story. I want to support you. I want to help you, you are worth that. Whatever you do, just get started. Be thinking a little bit about Nicole's story and what maybe you can take away from it. Until next time, be good to your good body. Oh, and one more thing. Be sure to review this podcast. It helps me immensely. I spent a couple hours a week creating these episodes and editing them and promoting them and it would mean the world to me if you could help this message get found by other women like you who just want to live their lives without food guilt. Okay, so if you're feeling super generous rate five stars, or maybe even share an episode your favorite episode with a friend. Spread the word just like Nicole did with her friends. I think we can change the culture. Okay, bye for now. Transcribed by https://otter.ai